The Here and Now

It was cold and dreary that day on that boardwalk.  I wished I had worn more than just a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.  The wind was constant.  It broke right through any clothing you had on.  The gray sky and weak waves on the beach gave the appearance of a dreary day, which was exactly what it was.
I was standing on the edge of the boardwalk, watching the gray ocean move silently.  The lights on the storefronts along with the lights of the streetlights blinded people to the beauty surrounding them.  It was a dreary day, yes, but it was still beautiful.  I couldn’t hear the sound of the slight waves crashing on the beach because of all the noise around me.
When will people learn?!  If we could just be silent for one instant, a single instant, we would appreciate how many sounds surround us.  If we could just turn off the lights for a single minute, we could see all the beauty that lives in the world around us.  We need to recognize what we have.
I’ve veered off topic.  After taking all of this in, I walked down to the beach and sat down on the sand.  The ceaseless chatter from the boardwalk still reached me, but it wasn’t as annoying.  A group of kids was playing football a ways down the beach.  I smiled at the thought of playing football on the beach with my friends.
I looked back at the waves and quickly sank back into my melancholic mood.  Why does a cloudy day do that to me?  I don’t know.  Maybe the crowds of people pressing around me along with the cold had gotten to me.  In any occasion, I wasn’t feeling very happy.
I sat there for a while, just staring at the waves and thinking.  I had arranged to meet someone here, but she hadn’t shown up.  Maybe that also contributed to my melancholy.  I stood up and turned to leave, looking one last time at the small waves coming in from the ocean.
I sighed, tucked my cold hands into my pockets, and turned to go, my eyes on my feet as I walked.  I didn’t care if I hit anybody.  I just wanted to get out of there.  This place held so many bad memories.  I didn’t want that day to become another one.
That boardwalk was where I learned that my parents had died in a car crash.  That boardwalk was where I had learned that my foster parents didn’t want me anymore.  That boardwalk is where I learned that I didn’t have enough money or knowledge to go to college and do something with my life.  That boardwalk is where I learned that I was bound to be an unfortunate guy for the rest of my life.
A tear dripped from my eye as I recalled these events.  Why had my life been so difficult?  Why couldn’t I have had a better life?  What could I have done to make my life easier to bear?  I clenched my fists in my pockets, feeling the anger growing inside me.
A light touch on my shoulder brought me back to the present.  I spun around, tears still streaming from my angry eyes to see the very person I had come to meet.  She was my best friend.  She was a few months older than I was and the exact opposite of what I was.  Her life had been almost perfect, yet she still befriended me.  I don’t know why.  We’d known each other since we were in kindergarten, and we’d never grown apart.
I guess she saw that look in my eye, the angry sadness, and understood what I was going through.  She drew me into a hug, consoling me in that one simple gesture.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  I began to sob.  Deep, gut wrenching sobs that brought out all the frustration and anger I felt for this place and my life.  With those sobs, I unleashed all my fury.
“It’s OK.”  She said.  “It’s OK.”
We stood there like that for a few minutes then separated.  To my surprise, she was also crying.  Did she really feel sorry for me?  Could she actually be recognizing my reality?  Was she actually UNDERSTANDING me?
I couldn’t understand that.  How could someone like her, who had had a perfect life, relate to someone like me, who had a horrible life?  That thought was as remote to me as Pluto (that I still regard as a planet no matter what scientists say) is.
After this incident, which changed my life even though I didn’t know it at the time, we took a walk on that ancient boardwalk, revisiting all those places that I held anger against.  I could now walk past those places and not feel uncomfortable.  That’s not to say that I loved those places, but I didn’t feel like I had to avoid them or the entire boardwalk because of what happened there.
After revisiting those places, my luck began to change.  I was able to get a job and hold on to it for more than a week.  I threw myself into studying at the library to be able to get into college.  I was able to find new friends, better said, I was able to find some friends.  In short, I was able to focus and fight to regain my life.
Now my life is still good.  I got into college and graduated at the top of my class.  I got a good job at a large company and have risen up to become the CEO.  I married and had two kids, a boy and a girl in that order.  I work very hard to give my family whatever they need, but I know how important they are.  Whenever I have time, I’m spending time with them and enjoying their company.  I lost my parents when I was young and couldn’t spend time with them.  I wasn’t going to let that happen to my kids.
When I look back at my life, I can see that turning point.  That one day at the boardwalk changed my life.  It gave me back my life.  I learned not to live in the past or the future.  The past is something you can’t change with what you do in the present.  The future is something that can only be changed by what you do in the now.  I learned that I should keep my focus on the present.  Only the present can shape our lives.  Don’t worry about the past or the future, the here and now is all that counts.